A day off…

….actually I’ve had a few. My husband was away in Nashville connecting with a team of youth pastors from across the country to start planning International Youth Convention 2014.  I, of course, am crazy proud of him and excited for this new opportunity, but was also sad to see him go.  I get very, very, VERY nervous without my husband here.  The anxiety takes me back to my days of postpartum depression/anxiety, when I cried every time he left the house.  “What am I going to do with this baby,” I used to wonder and fret.  Now my worry turned to “What am I going to do with this preschooler?”  and “How am I going to get to work and get him from church before I start feeling guilt over being a working mom?”  So my life situation has changed since those early days of Zoloft.  I made an executive decision to use almost all of the time off I had “banked,” and not have to worry about getting stuck by an emergency at work and being late to pick up said preschooler.  AND I took some ever-important “me” time.  Each day I found that I planned more than I should have and by the time I picked Zeke up, I was pretty tired, but felt productive.  I was able to share some quality time with my son, which is worth so much more to me than all the banked time-off in the world.  Keeping him in somewhat of a “normal” routine was great.  I am blessed to have a great preschool that I trust to love him and care for him while I do whatever it is I need to do.  Of course, at the end of the trip, I discovered that there was nothing to fear or be anxious about…I’ve got this.  And plus, I paddle-boarded with dolphins.  If that doesn’t give you inner peace, you need medication for realz.

SUP dolphin

SUP, dolphin? Say ‘hello’ to your mother for me!

When Josh got home, he was tired, but at the same time renewed in his mission and vision for ministry AND our family.  When we had a big sit-down talk about his trip and all he had learned, he did use the word “intentional,” but I decided to forgive him :)

Today is his birthday, also Martin Luther King Jr. day, so all three of us are off.  And I took an extra day tomorrow just to spend with him.

It’s been a great week!

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3 Responses to A day off…

  1. Jenn Wolford says:

    Hi Rachel! Great post. I too am struggling with big decisions right now. As of jan 25 I will be unemployed after being with the same company for over 8 years. I’m at a cross road to either stay home with Luke and take him out of day care, which he has been in since he was 8 weeks old, or search for another job and continue to work. I have been looking/interviewing but nothing seems to feel right or will take me completely away from Luke and I will only see him for about an hour before he would have to go to bed.

    On the other hand, he loves his daycare. So, I’m torn. Any suggestions?

    • rboldman says:

      Wow, after 8 years with the same company you are facing a HUGE transition on many levels! Here’s a little back story: As you probably remember I stayed home with Zeke when we lived in Apopka and we made some huge sacrifices to do so (did you ever come to our teeny tiny apartment or remember our blue car with duct tape on the bumper?!). When we moved out to Missouri I continued to stay home. While we were there I started to feel a little bit antsy and honestly a little bit guilty that I only had 2 semesters to go (and those 2 semesters were an internship–I was done with all of my classes) before graduating with my Master’s degree. So I arranged with my professors to have special permission to finish that internship out of state, in Missouri. Well about 2 weeks later we ended up moving back to Florida and we had absolutely NOTHING, financially. So I took this as a huge sign that it was time to get on with my career by finishing school and just seeing what was next.

      Putting Zeke in day care was extremely difficult. We LOVED his daycare in Altamonte, though, and felt really comfortable. In fact when we moved to Daytona, his daycare was one of the things holding me back from making the decision. Finding the right daycare is so important!!! His daycare/preschool is perfect right now because it is a part of our church, and Josh is literally steps away from Zeke at all times!

      I really love working, but staying at home was a pretty sweet gig. Yes, it has its challenges and being a mom is extremely difficult no matter what. But having been both a stay at home mom and a working mom, I know that for me, staying at home was easier. But I love being out of the house and knowing that Zeke is being taken care of. I did go a little batty sometimes when I was home with him. There are so many pro’s and cons to both scenarios.

      For us, it was really a financial decision. We had to put him in daycare so I could do my internship, and then of course I wanted to use my shiny new degree! I ended up getting a great job that I should not have gotten in the first place–things really fell into place for us. That’s another factor you have to consider. If you’re not finding something that meets your needs, maybe you need to take some time off. And you know, if you can’t find anything you may just need some more time to look. You can spend some time with Luke in that waiting period. You may find that financially you can stay home for a little while as you look for something absolutely perfect for you if you do want to go back to work.

      There are so many things to consider. I feel your stress. I was so torn over this issue, and I still struggle with it, especially after having 5 days off! Are you sure you want to go back to work at all? Or are you thinking you may just need a little time off to line up something new?

  2. Jenn says:

    Its great to hear your thoughts on this. I absolutely love Luke’s daycare, and I am terrified to take him out. I am afraid he won’t learn as much at home with me, will not be adjusted socially, and all those other things MOMS worry about! How do you feel about that?

    I do want to be working, but finding something right now is SO hard. And, I know, I will go batty being at home also! But, there is nothing great out there right now, so maybe like you said, I need to take time off until I find the right place. I understand the struggle and sacrifices we will have to make while I am out of work, but right now, it is out of my control. I have interviewed, put my resume into what seems like 100 places, and still, NOTHING. And the places that seem good, are about 45 minutes to an hour away and to me, it is not worth it for me to pick up Luke at 6:30 p.m. and only have an hour to spend with him before he is in bed.

    Is it too much to ask for the right job to come along ;-) Ha!

    Well, Let’s make plans for a weekend in late February or early March. We can drive out to visit with you guys in Daytona. Let us know what weekends are good for you guys and we can set a date. Cannot wait to catch up and to see Zeke. Last time we saw him he was an itty bitty baby!!

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